This week has been rough. I have been mulling over my sermon for Sunday in my head, changing and adding things as I comtemplate the scripture lesson. One thing that has continually been stuck in my mind is Glen Lake. My first time at Glen lake, i went to Summer Camp with Katie Donaldson. The theme was being transformed. We had all these wonderful transformations, being free to alive, being blind to seeing clearly. And on Friday we talked about the one I will never forget. Dead to alive. Our small group was a calm coloring activity. We were just supposed to write or draw about someone we knew that had died. We all cried, and cried, and cried. Mourning each other’s pain. Girls we had met four days ago, we were sobbing over their cats who had been hit by cars and their grandmothers we never knew. Because that’s a kind of pain we had all felt. And as soon as we saw the expressions on their faces as they one-by-one talked about their lost loved ones, our heart strings tugged in their direction. And we knew. It feels miserable. But there is something beautiful in it.
During worship soon after, the speaker got up there and said something that I have always remembered. “I’m so glad I get to die. I’m so overjoyed that I can leave all of this behind!” He patted his stomach. “When i die, I won’t have any obesity or diabetes or heart disease or back problems or asthma or cancer or toothaches or nosebleeds or any of it! I get to leave it all behind.”
Six week old Roxy Trick passed away after spending a night with her family. She was a hundred times stronger than me. She was beautiful. She was precious. And she had a Light. Light will always remain. When we leave the diabetes, kidney troubles, nosebleeds and heartache, Light is what remains. Light is what rises above all of it.
And I’ve recently realiazed that Light is what I’ve been looking for. I thought I wanted to live a glittering, rhetorically rich, life. I thought all this time I was striving to just love as much as I could. To change as much as I could. To have gracious Providence fall off of me like I’m a melting popsicle. To be the best that I could. But I wanted to be Light all along.
All of the heart-breaking things that seem to attack us are nothing compared to the Light that is within us. We get to leave everything except the Light behind. And Light is what leads us Home.