From the day I finished my last assignment:
Today I printed my final copy of my capstone and turned in my last assignment of college. I had $2 left in print dollars so I was stoked to be printing $1.75 on my last thing(!!!). But then.The printer stopped. It said “open rear drawer…jam in bottom tray…BAD LOCID.” and other bad. bad. bad. printer words. I dismantled the whole thing. I stood there holding sad printer guts in one hand and ripped shreds of capstone in the other hand.
Since SU has taught me zero healthy strategies for problem solving, I went to the library to cry in front of the Info Desk. There I met probably my last new friend at SU. I looked at her and said “I broke my capstone and I have no money.”
She looked at my sad pages and told me to forward her my paper. She printed the whole thing with her own personal print dollars. It really is so special to have people be sweet to you because they understand you even if they don’t actually know you. It’s a little big world that appreciates hard work and helping each other out. And even though we fail to do that to each other in so many ways, it’s such a nice reminder as I graduate that some people in the world that don’t have to route for me, do. So thank you beautiful, wonderful InfoDesk Student Worker for happying my heart the most. I hope people are kind to you when you graduate and run out of print dollars, too.
From the day after graduation:
Today as I packed up my little blue house in Georgetown, I found my journal from my first year at SU. It was a treasured present from a sweet couple that saw things in me I did not see yet. Sprawled on one of the pages is a line from the first message I preached at a Wednesday night worship service as an intern.
“Hearts and minds are more like muscles than they are bones.”
Even if I knew the words then, I had no idea how much stretching my heart and mind would be doing in my time at SU.
I hate that Southwestern was not always safe for people it should have protected. I hate that there were times when we lost good and beautiful things because of misplaced priorities. I hate that people peed in the trashcans in the library and jeopardized our 24 hour privileges.
But I am so grateful for complicated questions and thick, heavy silences in Dr. Kafer’s Intro to Feminist Studies class. I will remember fondly the overwhelming joy of discovering friends whose hearts feel too big like mine does. I have met more puppies in Dr. Hob-O’s office than the rest of my life combined–that is basically magic, y’all! And it is a blessing that the ugly and messed up things I encountered here made me stretch instead of break. And even more so that those things were accompanied by the very best friendships, the very best learning, the very best shady places to read Anzaldua. I am so thankful for the stretching–I think my heart and mind are bigger now than they could have been in any other alternative reality. I learned how to be emptier and fuller than I ever thought I could be–what a joy.